Bird In The Cage (#2)

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CAST: American Tourist, His Wife, Son, Devotee, Shopkeeper, Bird.

PROPS: Bird cage, assorted antiques, book-bag and a book for devotee, and also props for individual players.

(Family is walking along the street)

Devotee: Excuse me, sorry to trouble you, we're asked to pass out these nice books today. (Shopkeeper takes one) It's all about God and the Soul. (Shopkeeper slams the book shut, hands it straight back to the devotee)

Shopkeeper: I am not interested in this kind of rubbish. Now, will you excuse me? I am late in opening my shop... Why don't you go and get a job, anyway? (And he stomps off, opens his shop door and goes inside. Enter Yank, his wife and son)

Devotee: Excuse me, Sir, sorry to trouble you. I am just passing out these nice books today. They are all about yoga.

Son: Daddy, What's yoga?

Yank: Yoga, well, that's what you get down at the grocer's.

Devotee: Have a look at the pictures inside.

Yank: Hey, this is a mighty impressive book you have here. What did you say it's all about?

Devotee: It tells all about God and the Soul. This book tells you how we are not this body, but we are the Soul within the body. (Wife grabs book, gives it straight back to devotee and says to her husband:)

Wife: You don't want that, honey, you want me!

Yank: (to Devotee) Sorry, son, better luck next time! (Devotee shrugs shoulders, says Hare Krishna and walks off)

Wife: (to Husband) Sure is swell to be here in little old London and see all these wonderful historic places!

Yank: Yes, I think we have seen just about everything — Madame Tussauds, Piccadilly Circus, Leicester Square. It's been real educational.

Wife: Hey, honey, what are we going to bring home for the folks as a souvenir from our holiday?

Yank: I don't know! What do you think we should get?

Wife: What about Buckingham Palace?

Son: Can we, daddy, can we get Buckingham Palace, daddy?

Yank: I don't know if the Queen wants to sell it. I think we should get something else.

Wife: I know, what about St. Paul's Cathedral?

Son: Yes, yes, let's get it, let's get it, let's get the Cathedral!

Yank: Well, I heard they sold it to the Communists. Hey look, honey, there's one of those antique shops. Of course, we can find something to take home there. (finally Yanks enter shop. The Shopkeeper is engrossed in polishing, decorating the cage, completely absorbed in cleaning meditation)

Wife: (to Husband) Hey, honey, look at these wonderful antiques! Isn't this place fantastic? (Shopkeeper gets up and goes to greet the customers with a very posh accent)

Shopkeeper: Hello, good morning, very pleased to meet you, welcome to our humble establishment "PONSON DAY, PONSON DAY & SMITHERS" — Antique dealers to the royal family. I am very pleased to meet you.

Yank: Very pleased to meet you, Sir. We're looking for some little knick-knack souvenir to bring home for the folks, something with culture, a little bit of old England.

Shopkeeper: Oh, yes, I am sure we can find you something. We have very fine antiques here. (Wife sees the birdcage)

Wife: Honey, that's just what we want — look at that cage, it's fantastic! We've gotta have it!

Yank: Well, that's a mighty fine cage, I am sure that will look real nice in our living room back in Texas.

Son: Yes, can we have it daddy, can we have it?

Shopkeeper: Ah... actually, ah... That's very special... I wasn't thinking of just selling that... Perhaps I could interest you in something else, such as this guitar. This is the original, used by William Shakespeare to sing love songs to Queen Elizabeth I, and it is over 100 years old. These are the original strings on it and it's in perfect condition. I think this is what you want.

Wife: We want this cage. This cage is beautiful. Just look at all the decorations and this shiny gold border. This is fantastic!

Yank: My honey wants this cage, we are not interested in any of these fiddles, you know... guitars! We want this cage. It's really beautiful!

Shopkeeper: Ah... well... ah... Hang on just one moment. (he finds a plate) Now, if you are really after some history — this plate was used by William the Conqueror, after he won the battle of Hastings in l066, and this has been used by great kings throughout the ages. It is solid gold. I am sure this is just what you are looking for.

Wife: (to Husband) Even our dogs eat off better plates than that. I want this cage. This cage will look real swell in our living room. We gotta have it! We gotta have it!

Yank: My honey wants this cage — you know we gotta have it. You just tell me the price and we'll take it.

Shopkeeper:  Ah... well... actually... ah, I am rather fond of this cage. It's been in my possession for the last 20 years. I am quite fond of it, you know. (laughs a little) Anyway, this is rather special. It has quite a history, you know. It was carved in 1843 for Queen Anne. It had been in the royal household since that time. In the l930's it was given to my father, and we have had in our family ever since... ah, just see the exquisite craftsmanship on this cage. Each bar has been hand-carved to display dancing peacocks and then has been inlaid with brass and silver decorations all over. Just see these noble lion's feet here. Such exquisite carving! This perhaps is the only one of it's type. It is overlaid with gold leaf that was brought all the way from the Orient, and the entire structure is made from African mahogany, the rare tree found in the Nagaria forest, chopped down by the natives, carried by elephants for 2,000 miles to the coast and shipped to Britain. One has to marvel at the ingenuity.

There are three doors in the cage which can be closed by a very clever mechanism here and here, and the whole thing is able to fold up and be put into it's own carrying case. It's such a fantastic antique. Just as I say, I have been looking after it for so long, so, really I am very reluctant to part with it after so many years. I... I... since the cage came to me, I... have cared for it lovingly. I repair any of it's problems and have nursed it through good and bad times. Even in the last war, during the time when the bombs were dropped, we took the cage down to the bomb shelter and looked after it to see that it was alright. Yes, Sir, this cage means a lot to me... I just don't know how I can sell it after so many years.

Wife: We've gotta have it, we've gotta have it!!!

Yank: My honey wants this cage, and we are willing to pay anything. Anything you want, we will pay.

Shopkeeper: Ah, well, okay, I am afraid this cage is going to cost at least a quarter million pounds.

Yank: It's nothing, it's chicken feed! (during all this time, bird in the cage has been chirping and complaining very vigorously and demanding food, trying to catch the Shopkeeper and Yank's attention, bouncing up and down, rattling the bars, trying to reach out, trying to eat the bars, etc.)

Honey, it's well worth it, you know, it is a wonderful cage with history in it. It's so beautiful. We've gotta have it to take back to Texas. Okay, if you want it then we just gotta have it. It is a mighty fine antique. (takes out his money and hands it over to Shopkeeper) Okay, wrap it up and we'll take it with us. (Bird groans loudly and dies)

Son: Hey daddy, there's a dead bird in the cage!

Shopkeeper: Ah... ah... We can just sweep him out of there. The cage is perfectly alright. We can just take the bird out of there. Nothing to worry about.

Yank: You better get that bird out of there. We don't want a dead bird in our cage. (Shopkeeper pulls the bird out)

Son: Look, daddy, the cage has suddenly gone all dull.

Yank: The cage doesn't look like it used to. Are you sure you are selling me a genuine antique?

Shopkeeper: Ah, yes... it should be perfectly alright. You mean... fancy... ah, lost its color like that. Very strange. Anyway, I'm sure it's going to be alright; just polish it a little bit more. (Shopkeeper tries to polish cage)

Yank: You don't seem to be having the right effect on it. (Shopkeeper polishes harder, gold plating comes off on his hand, then whole thing just falls apart)

Yank: I think your cage is beginning to fall apart, there, Sir.

Shopkeeper: I used to do this for years and years and it has always been in good condition before now... first time the cage completely disintegrated.

Yank: I don't thing much of your cage, you know. I don't think it's a real antique at all.

Wife: Come on, honey, lets go see the change of the guards, perhaps we can buy a regiment or two to take home to Mangy Ranch! (they exit in a clamor)

Devotee: (comes on and preaches the philosophical moral of the story to the audience)

The End