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The King And The Genie (#1) * * * * * * * * CAST: King, Baksheesh, Genie, Old Lady.
SCENE ONE
The Palace (The king enters amidst cheers and applause, introduces himself and then decides he would like to do something more for the citizens. Has an idea and calls out for his servant:) King: Baksheesh! Where on earth is that foolish servant of mine? (enter Baksheesh, licking his fingers. Falls over) Baksheesh: Yes, my Lord? King: I've just had a brilliant idea... Baksheesh: Oh, no! King: Baksheesh, I want you to go down to the market place and buy up all the wares that have not been sold yet today, and I want you to bring them to me. And do you know what I'm going to do with them all? Baksheesh: No, Your Majesty! King: I'm going to distribute them to all the needy people in my kingdom! Isn't that a brilliant idea?! Baksheesh: Yes, Your Majesty. A marvelous idea? Oh, yes, Your Majesty, a wonderful idea! Yes, yes, yes, Your Majesty!!! King: Alright then, Baksheesh. The shops close at six and there's no time to lose — you better get going at once! Baksheesh: At once, Your Majesty!!! (turns and falls over, gets up and runs out)
SCENE TWO The Market Place (On stage is an old lady asleep in front of her table of wares. Baksheesh runs up, breathless) Baksheesh: (to himself) Oh, no! I took a wrong turn! I'm late and all the shops are closed. If I come back empty-handed, the King will have my head!!! Ah, here's an old lady selling her wares. (to lady) Hey, old lady! Old lady!!! She's not only old, she's deaf as a post as well! Okay everybody, I think you're going to have to help me wake her up. After the count of three, I want you all to shout out, "Wakey! Wakey! Wakey!" Ready? 1... 2... 3... "Wakey! Wakey! Wakey!" Old Lady: Oh, who woke me up?! Baksheesh: It's me, Baksheesh! I've come in the name of the King! Old Lady: Sing? No, I don't want you to sing!!! Baksheesh: No, no — King!!! The king ordered me to buy everything in the market place! So how much do you want for the lot? Old Lady: All right, then you can have everything for 200 pounds! Baksheesh: Okay, that sounds fair. (gives the money to the old lady and picks up all the goods, then spots an old lamp) Hey, what about that old lamp? Old Lady: It's not for sale! Baksheesh: But the King ordered me to buy everything! Old Lady: I told you, it's not for sale!!! Baksheesh: Okay, Okay, I get the message! (runs out) SCENE THREE The Palace (King pacing up and down in anxiety) King: Oh, where is that servant of mine? He can't do anything right! Baksheesh!!! (Baksheesh runs in and trips, dropping all the goods) Ah, Baksheesh, my faithful servant, you accomplished your mission, I see! Is that all the goods, then? Baksheesh: Yes, Your Majesty, that's almost everything! King: What do you mean, "almost"? Baksheesh, didn't I tell you to get everything? Baksheesh: Yes, my Lord! King: So, why did you disobey my order? Baksheesh: I'm sorry, my Lord, there was this old lady, you see, and she had this old lamp. It was just an old lamp, you see, and she didn't want to sell it. I mean, I told her you wanted everything, but she insisted, so I didn't buy it... King: She insisted, eh? Baksheesh: Yes, Your Majesty! King: Baksheesh, Baksheesh, Baksheesh! You know I've always said that servant of mine Baksheesh has a good head on his shoulders... Well, let's keep it there, shall we? Baksheesh, don't you realize that somewhere out there in the night there may be some poor old lady with no lamp to light up her life? (Baksheesh begins to weep, loudly and pitifully. The King comforts him) There, there, all right, Baksheesh! Now all I want you to do is this: just go back down to the market place and tell that old lady to sell you the lamp on the order of the King, otherwise I'll cut off her head! Baksheesh: Yes, Your Majesty!!! (turns and falls
over again, runs out) SCENE FOUR The Market Place Baksheesh: Wakey, wakey! Hey, old lady, the King wants that lamp! Old Lady: I told you, it's not for sale! Baksheesh: But the king has ordered me.. Old Lady: I'm sorry... Baksheesh: You don't understand — he'll have my head! Old Lady: It's not for sale! Baksheesh: Look, I'll give you 200 pounds for it... Old Lady: Sold!!! (Baksheesh takes lamp and turns to go) Old Lady: Wait! There's something you must tell the king... in the lamp there's a wicked genie! Baksheesh: Okay, a wicked genie, right, I'll tell him! Bye! Old Lady: Wait! Tell the king not to rub the lamp! Remember — don't rub the lamp!!! Baksheesh: Okay, don't worry, the king never was
much of a lamp-rubber anyway! (they leave) SCENE FIVE The Palace (King is pacing up and down) Baksheesh: I got the lamp — I saved my life! King: Baksheesh, well! You got the lamp, well done! What's the story, Baksheesh? It looks like a very interesting old lamp! Baksheesh: There was something... Oh yeah, in the lamp there is a wicked genie, the old lady told me... King: A wicked genie! HO HO HO HO! I haven't heard anything so funny in a long time! There are no such things as genies, are there? Baksheesh: Oh, yes there is! King: Oh, no there isn't! Baksheesh: Oh, yes there isn't! King: Ah, pifflecock! It's just an old wives' tale, anyway you know what these shopkeeper's women are like, Baksheesh. Hey, you might have cleaned it up a bit, you know, Baksheesh. (starts to polish the lamp) Baksheesh: There was something else I had to remember as well, now what was it? (to audience) Can you remember what it was? Audience: Don't rub the lamp! Baksheesh: Don't what? Oh, don't rub the lamp!!! (Genie appears) Genie: Who let me out of my lamp? Was it you? Alright, you King you! You better give me something to do all of the time! Otherwise, if I'm not kept really busy — I'm going to get very angry, and when I get angry I get real violent!!! King: Oh, think of something, Baksheesh! Genie: All right, King, I'm going to count to three, and if you haven't thought of something, I'm going to slit your throat... Okay, everyone... Count along with me! 1... 2... King: Windows! Windows! I want you to clean every window in every building until they are all sparkling! Genie: Is that all! That's easy! (exits in a whirlwind) King: Phew, that's a relief, Baksheesh, those shopkeepers aren't so daft after all! Anyway, we don't have to worry about him any more! Why there must be thousands and millions of windows in the city, and they're all so dirty you can plant cabbages in them!!! (Genie quickly reappears) Genie: I've done it! King: Impossible! Genie: Impossible, eh? Well, come and have a look! See every window! Baksheesh: Hey! You did a pretty good job, too! King: Baksheesh, you blithering idiot! Genie: All right king, you better give me something else to do... 1... 2... King: Leaves! Leaves! Leaves! Baksheesh: At once, Your Majesty! King: Not you, you fool! Every leaf on every tree... paint them all the colors of the rainbow! Genie: Oh, that's an easy one for me, but when I get back... (threatens then exits) Baksheesh: Good thinking, King, that should take him a long time to do that! King: I'm not so sure, Baksheesh, he cleaned all the windows so fast... oh, Baksheesh, this is all your fault! Baksheesh: My fault? King: I told you not to buy that lamp. Baksheesh: But... but... it was your fault! King: Trying to blame it on me now, eh? I'll have your head for this, Baksheesh... (Genie bursts in) Genie: It is done! King: No! It's not possible! Genie: Not possible, eh? Well, come and have a look, King! Baksheesh: Hey, I like the way you blended the colors... you know, the way you got those blues and greens... King: Baksheesh, you buffoon! Genie: All right king... 1... 2... Baksheesh: Tell him to hit the road! King: Roads! Roads! Roads! I want you to turn all the roads into solid gold! (Genie races off) King: Well, that's the last we'll see of him! Do you know why, Baksheesh? Baksheesh: No. King: There is no gold — I gave it all away in charity! Baksheesh: Ho ho ho ho ho! Hey, you're pretty clever, King! King: You know, Baksheesh, this Genie reminds me of the mind! Baksheesh: The mind? King: Yes. Baksheesh, you wouldn't know much about that, but... I was reading in the Bhagavad-Gita this morning, "Lord Krishna said: O mighty-armed son of Kunti, it is undoubtedly very difficult to curb the restless mind, but it is possible by suitable practice and by detachment." "For one whose mind is unbridled, self-realization is difficult work. But one whose mind is controlled and who strives by appropriate means is assured of success. That is My opinion." That's Chapter 6, verses 35 and 36 — remember that! Baksheesh: But, what's the best way to control the mind? King: Well, it's said that if you chant the transcendental names of the Lord, especially Hare Krishna, then your mind will always be engaged, and you will be peaceful, and you'll never have to worry about the Genie of the mind. Baksheesh: Is that a fact? King: Yes, well that's what they say, I mean, I've never tried it myself, you know; but it's supposed to work. Baksheesh: Is that the end of the play, then? King: Yes, that's it, I suppose, we can all go home now... (the Genie enters in a fierce mood) Genie: I've done it!!! King: Impossible!!! Genie: Impossible eh? Well come and see — every road is paved with 29 carat gold! I can produce gold from the tips of my fingers!!! Baksheesh: Hey, that's a pretty neat trick — can you show me how you do that?King: Baksheesh!!! Genie: All right, King, I have had enough of you. I'm not even going to count to three, I'm just going to kill you dead!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! (Genie lets out blood-curdling cries and chases King and Baksheesh around the stage. Finally the King trips and the Genie moves in for the kill) King: Oh, dear! What am I going to do? Oh, Hare Krishna!!! (Genie recoils) Hare Krishna! Krishna Krishna! Hare Hare! Hare Rama! Hare Rama! Rama Rama! Hare Hare! (the King and Baksheesh chase the Genie around the stage and finally catch him) King: All right, Genie, I've found a perfect engagement for you! Genie: What's that?! King: You can chant Hare Krishna all day long... it's ever-fresh and transcendental! Genie: Oh, no! King: It's not so bad, really. Come on, just give it a try. (King gets audience to help engage the Genie in chanting Hare Krishna. Genie gets a taste, King shows him how to dance, and then they have an ecstatic kirtan) The End |