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Indra Cursed To Become A Pig by Radha-Damodara Das The source of this play is Srimad-Bhagavatam, 3.30.5, Purport * * * * * * * * *
CAST: Indra, Servant, Brihaspati, 2 Farmers, Papa Pig (Indra), Mama Pig, Piglets, Lord Brahma. SCENE ONE
(Indra relaxes on his asana, drinking a goblet of Soma. There is a knock at the door; the Servant goes to the door and comes back in, announcing the arrival of sage Brihaspati Muni) Servant: Lord Indra, His Divine Grace Brihaspati Muni is here to see you. Indra: Not now, please, I don't wish to speak with my Spiritual Master today! I'm in no mood for guests — just tell him to come back tomorrow. Tell him I'm in a meeting or something. Brihaspati: (overhears) This is the last straw, Indra! I came here to counsel you about your unexemplary behavior — always warring, slighting the saintly kings, stealing a horse — but what's the use! I can see now that you are just like a PIG! You deserve to be a PIG! In fact, I CURSE you to be a PIG for one year so that I don't have to hear about you for a while! Then, if you're ready to be a proper demigod, we can talk. Indra: Nooooooooooo, my dear Spiritual Master, I was only joking! Please don't curse me, I am sooo sorry! Come back! (they exit) (while the stage is being cleared and the barnyard props are being brought on, two farmers tell country jokes. Get a joke book from the library and tell as many as the audience can stand. Here's some examples:) 1st Farmer: I was up the holler visitin' Ol' Glum Taylor yesterday. You remember him, don't you? 2nd Farmer: I reckon so. 1st Farmer: I asked him how his kinfolks were and he just started in a-crying. "Kinfolk? Kinfolk?" he moaned. "Why two years ago, I had me a wife and least eight or nine children. Then corn went down and taxes went up till one by one I had to send all the youngsters to the Orphans' Home. That was bad enough, but things kept on getting worse... and then I had to send my dear, sweet love, my only wife, on back to her daddy's." "Cuss, Uncle," I replied, "I'm powerful sad to hear that." "Well, let me tell you," he said, "things is goin' bad agin! If they get much worse, blamed if I ain't afraid I'll have to sell my car!" 2nd Farmer: I'll tell you a story now: One time I was blastin' stumps down there along the river bottom when that old fat sow of mine come along and gobbled down the dynamite. She was the toughest Poland China I ever saw and darn, if she wouldn't eat anything! Sure enough, I'd just come back from setting a charge when there she was, chomping up the last of what had been blamed near a full box of 20% sticks. Afore I thought what I was doin', I yelled at that old sow and she took off for the barn. I didn't know what else to do, so I high-tailed it right after her. Just as she rounded the back side of the barn, she met the hired hand I had at that time — a squint-eyed fellow by the name of McIntyre — coming the other way. And afore I could say a word, old McIntyre hauled off and kicked that Poland China square in the ribs.Well, there was just a tremendous explosion — blew the barn down, flattened the chicken house, knocked over the windmill, took the roof right off my house, killed the hired hand of course, and flipped the tractor upside down.Yes sir, and I mean to tell you... for about three weeks there, I had one mighty sick hog on my hands! SCENE TWO
(The piglets come in singing the song "Swinging On A Star" from Disney Music. They wear hats with ears and snouts. There are curly tails on their pants. They dance and introduce us to other barnyard characters:) Swinging on a Star Would you like to swing on a star Carry moonbeams home in a jar And be better off than you are Or would you rather be a PIG? A pig is an animal with dirt on his face His shoes are a terrible disgrace He's got no manners when he eats his food He's fat and lazy and extremely rudeSo if you don't care a feather or a fig (Get the picture?) You could grow up to be a PIG! (Mama and Papa Pig come onstage, he is very fat and has Indra's moustache. She wears a curly wig. He reclines to watch the show) Would you like to swing on a star Carry moonbeams home in a jar And be better off than you are Or would you rather be a MULE? (Mule enters) He kicks up at anything he hears His back is brawny and his brain is weak He's just plain stupid with a stubborn streak And by the way, if you hate to go to school You could grow up to be a MULE! Would you like to swing on a star Carry moonbeams home in a jar And be better off than you are Or would you rather be a FISH? (Fish enters) A fish won't do anything but swim in a brook He can't sign his name or read a book To fool the people is his only thought And although he's tricky, well, he still gets caught And if that sort of life is what you wish You could grow up to be a FISH! And all the monkeys aren't in the zoo Every day we meet quite a few So you see, it's all up to you You could be better than you are! You could be better than you are! Or would you rather be a PIG? (laughter, backslapping. Mama Pig herds piglets to side of stage with Papa Pig) SCENE THREE
(Two farmers come in with buckets of vegetable peels marked "SLOP" and "SWILL." They dump the peels on the floor) 1st Farmer: Sou wee! Here pig pig pig pig pig! (the piglets bump and fight to get over to him for their dinner) 2nd Farmer: Here's your slop, pigs! (the piglets dive into the slop and eat with great gusto and noise, clattering the buckets, slipping and fighting) 1st Farmer: Hee hee! Pretty good business, raisin' pigs! I slop 'em with any old garbage, they don't care! And when they're good and fat (pinches them) we bring home the bacon! Hee hee! You look like you're ready to go to market! Ha Ha! SCENE FOUR
Barnyard Happiness (Children dressed as animals and birds sing and dance happily) Old MacDonald had a farm, EE I EE I OO And on this farm he had a cow, EE I EE I OO With a moo moo here and a moo moo there, etc. And on this farm he had some turkeys, EE I EE I OO With a gobble gobble here and a gobble gobble there, etc. Old MacDonald had a farm, EE I EE I OO And on that farm he had some pigs, EE I EE I OO... Littlest Pig: Hey, that's us! Come on, guys! Piglets: Yeah! We're PIGS! A Bunch of dirty, filthy PIGS! With an OINK OINK here and an OINK OINK there Here an OINK there an OINK, everywhere an OINK OINKOld MacDonald had a farm, EE I EE I OO (all the animals clap wildly. The piglets bow proudly) Papa Pig: (clapping) That's my boys! Life is so good down here on the farm! SCENE FIVE
(Lord Brahma enters holding up his dhoti a little and stepping very reluctantly because it is a very dirty, muddy place) Brahma: Indra! Indra! Good news! The year is over! You may return to your post in the heavenly planets now! You poor fellow! I've been sorry for you all this time, but I never dreamed that it would be as bad as all this! Come along with me! Let's get out of here! Papa Pig: Huh? Who are you? Brahma: Who am I?! I'm Brahma, the chief of the demigods, creator of the universe, and I'm also your friend! And you're the king of heaven! We've been together for thousands of years — how could you forget me? Come on! Let's get out of here! This whole place smells really bad! Papa Pig: I didn't think you were a pig! Usually, only pigs come here! Can't say that I do remember you, but even if I did — I wouldn't dream of leaving my mud holes! Three slops a day, plenty of mud to wallow in, I've got my fat sow and my piglets and my friends. This is heaven, alright! Just call me KING PIG! Brahma: Listen, Indra! This isn't heaven — it's a slaughterhouse! The farmer is going to cut your fat pig body into pork chops! And he's going to cut your perky piglets into wieners and sausages! What do you think about that!? Papa Pig: OH HO HO HO! What do you think of that, boys? (they laugh heartily) Littlest Piglet: Hey, let's sing that song! Piglets: Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener That is what I'd truly like to be! For if I were an Oscar Meyer wiener Everyone would love to eat me! (they laugh uncontrollably) Papa Pig: That was nice, sons. Throw this fancy man out, would you, boys? He's stinking up the whole mud hole! (the piglets attack Brahma) 1st Farmer: There's the little porkers, now. Come on, you! Catch 'em, Jim! (there is a comic chase. Play the "Little Piggies Song" by the Beatles. Finally, the piglets are all caught and pushed offstage. There are chopping and squealing noises) Brahma: See, Indra?! That's pig life! Papa Pig: Ahhh, too bad! It's a natural death for a pig! But, it can't happen to me! I'm too valuable around here! All the animals depend on me for wisdom and leadership! Just ask this mule. (Brahma looks at the mule, who just wears a stupid expression) Brahma: No thanks, I'll take your word for it. Papa Pig: The farmer is a close friend of mine. Anyway, I've still got my fat sow. We can just have more piglets! 2nd Farmer: It's your turn, Mama. Come with me. Help me with her, Floyd. Don't give me any trouble, now. (Mama Pig is led out as she screams wildly) Papa Pig: Well, it's going to be pretty quiet around here; I'll like that — sleepin' in every day, and all the more for me to eat! I can just get me another sow any time I want. Aww, life is sooo good! Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time for my nap. Brahma: No, Indra! No time to nap, now! Listen! The farmer is sharpening his knives! You're next! (Farmer approaches while loudly sharpening two knives) Papa Pig: Don't let them get me, Brahma! Take me back! This place is horrible! I don't want to die! Don't let them eat me, Brahma! Brahma: Okay, if you promise to be a nice demigod and be respectful to those who are more advanced than you, then maybe... Papa Pig: Yes! Yes! Anything! Please! Take me back! Brahma: Okay, we'll have to go quickly! It's this way to our flower airplane! (they exit) Narrator: (preaches and tells the philosophical moral of the story) The End
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